happily single

hayleylepugh:

I’ve heard many people claiming to be happily engaged or happily married, but no one really claims to be happily single. Usually, when people are single they’re simply waiting to fall in love. Well, I don’t think that’s how it has to be.

I’m tired of falling for every cute boy who shows a slight interest in me. I’m tired of constantly considering every guy as someone I could potentially date. I’m tired of half-flirtatious friendships and the uncertainty of mixed signals. My heart is not in a stable place to be in a relationship like this. I’m not even entirely sure what I want, I just know what I feel. I’m tired of idolatrous, selfish, immature relationships.

I want to take the time to emotionally cut myself off from all prospects of dating in order to grow into the person I was created to be. I want to focus on loving the people in my life for who they are and not what they can give me or do for me. I want to be 100% okay with being on my own and understand/appreciate what a healthy, love-filled, sacrificial relationship actually consists of. I want to fall deeply in love with God, so much so that I don’t even dwell on my singleness. I want to see things with clear vision for exactly what they are rather than spiral into unlikely scenarios and fantasies that ultimately lead me into a state of depression. I want to learn to be strong and content on my own.

The key to doing this isn’t to focus on making sure I don’t date or crush on anyone out of pure bitterness. I have crushes now and I’m sure I always will, but just because I have feelings for someone does not mean I have to act on them. I can appreciate them as a person while maintaining physical and emotional boundaries without flirting or expecting anything from them. I can guard my heart. But more important (and more effective) than all that is to just put my focus on God and his will for my life. I can let him make me who he wants me to be so that when this season of singleness is over, I will be ready and whole, completely aware of the commitment and blessing of loving a significant other. For now though, I am simply learning to defy the cinematic/societal expectations and genuinely be happily single.